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The Boyle Curriculum
The morning lessons had gone badly. Somehow our topic on ‘families’ had been side-tracked by little Tony Docherty who claimed that his older brother was a hijacker, which had made some of the other children cry. I knew full well that Tony Docherty’s older brother was in fact a steeplejack, and tried to get things under control by asking if anyone in the class could tell me what a chimney was for, but the children had just looked at me blankly. I’m ashamed to say that I deducted 76 house points for their ignorance, and from there the lesson degenerated into squabbling and name-calling. I think we all said things we regretted.  
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I've got a new story up as part of a project called Throwaway Lines: 'Ella does some remembering'.

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Why did the national anthem turn out rubbish? Why has the supply teacher blacked out all the windows? Why have the islanders run amok like that? Where do those ladders go, anyway? And what, exactly, is up with all the walruses?

At last, the stories that have beguiled McSweeney's readers, unsettled Radio 4 listeners, and smooched with book slam audiences from New York to Bloxwich, are all together in one book. Yes, you're right, it is quite short. What took him so long? 

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